By Adrienne Corn
(Disclaimer: Anything that you might find offensive in this post is not the advice of Adrienne. She is only writing the stuff that doesn’t offend you.)
1. Bring your own booze. I learned this from British friends who always travel with a “whatever level of boozery is acceptable”–large bottles to small flasks. The ingenuity of this advice is priceless in that it keeps you from paying crazy prices for resort/hotel drinks. Plus, you aren’t frustrated when they don’t have the Belgian beer or specific type of gin you require. (If you don’t drink, bully for you. Less luggage. Please proceed to MicroAdvice #2.)
2. Bring your own snacks–especially chocolate. Why? Most places carry some version of exotic chocolate these days, but if you don’t like it, you’re sh** out of chocolate, as they say. Also, crunchy things that fit your dietary needs, like organic corn chips, since you aren’t likely to find them in the room service menu or at the sundries shop.
3. Skip out on the local shopping for an afternoon, find a cozy place in the hotel and despite the fact that it’s a public space, move the furniture to fit your needs, set up your mini bar, grab your kindle/iPad with your latest read, put in your wireless headphones (which you charged up! Yay you!), put on some good tunes and read, drink and be merry.
4. Book your spa and golf times in advance, if you’re so inclined to these things and #3 on the list isn’t enough to suffice more than one afternoon. Spa appointments and tee times are unforgiving the closer to weekends you travel. And go ahead and buy the fantastic glycolic-lip-exfoliating-emulsifier-in-the-gift-set. You’ll want it later when explaining to your friends at home why your facelipsbod look so refreshed. No need to mention #3.
5. If you happen to travel for work of some sort and there is a speaker who happens to be speaking on health and wellness, do not, I repeat, DO NOT let them rob you of the joy of your booze and snacks. In fact, raise a glass and an organic corn chip in his honor. Followed by a square of Himalayan sea salted dark chocolate with dried strawberries, of course.
6. Enjoy it all, and of course post all the loveliest bits on Facebook for all of your cubicle-enslaved friends to enjoy, too. See? Now everyone is happy!